Opening
by Ohstardustgirl
Summary: For @rebelcaptainprompts on Tumblr - 'One Bed' It takes trust to sleep with someone, and trust to isleep/i with someone.


It was hard for Jyn to not hear Saw Guerrera's voice in her head as she peeled back the tightly tucked sheets of her latest assigned bunk in one of the Alliance's more obscure outposts. Sliding her bare legs beneath the cool fabric, knowing that she could sleep for hours without fear and no need for a knife under her pillow, felt absolutely decadent. The little room had a decent bed, a tiny 'fresher, and a door that locked, and for Jyn that screamed luxury.

One of the first lessons Saw taught her was that while anywhere can be a bed if you are tired enough, falling asleep was no different than turning your back on an enemy. Eight years old and used to the safety of a real bed with pillows and blankets and a toy to cuddle, it was a hard and miserable lesson for a child to have to learn. Saw's methods had reduced Jyn to tears more than once, but after a year of being woken intentionally (often loudly, and cruelly) she learned to sleep lightly on hard ground for a few hours at a time, hand on a blaster, springing to full alertness as soon as her eyes opened. Even with Saw in the room, Jyn wouldn't fully relax, because he would have been terribly disappointed in her if she had.

Not trusting anyone around her while she slept had kept her safe and alive over the years - when a fellow Partisan turned traitor, when another passenger on a ship tried to take advantage, when a cell mate wanted to prove their dominance.

Nowadays, Jyn Erso trusts. Selectively, but still more than before.

She will fall asleep easily around certain people. It doesn't seem so much of a big deal to the others, she thought as she stretched languidly and stared at the ceiling. Bodhi had been hurt by the galaxy but never by his friends, so he didn't hesitate with putting his life in their hands for the sake of something as simple as sleep. Chirrut and Baze were so used to watching each other's backs that letting a few strays in to their circle didn't seem to bother them. They were Guardians, after all. She knew that she could pass out in the same room as all of them and be safe. And they fell asleep around her too. Trust, Jyn told Saw in her head, isn't so scary when you see it mirrored back at you.

She knew she had changed, because she had watched Cassian change in the same way, and she smiled at the warmth that filled her chest at the thought. They were broken in the same way, more or less, the same jagged edges starting to smooth out into pieces that fit together.

In their shared journeys before Scarif, and for a good while after, Jyn had seen her own paranoia in him, in the way he refused sleep in unfamiliar surroundings and hesitated to rest when it meant giving up control. Slowly, he had come round to the idea of feeling safe when vulnerable, meeting each milestone with her.

She would curl up in the co-pilot's seat and doze off while he piloted. He would close his eyes and rest against the bulkhead while she cleaned her blaster beside him. They eventually stopped fighting about who would take first watch when they camped out overnight on a mission, stopped their instant denials when the other told them to go and rest. They had even fallen asleep together in various places and circumstances, her head on his shoulder or his head on her lap. They shared a bed, chastely and out of necessity, for three nights on a mission on Coruscant, waking up warm and wrapped up in each other in the morning no matter how far apart they were when they went to sleep.

This new level of trust had been like lighting a fuse on their mutual attraction. If it was easier to feel safe around him while she slept, then it was easier to smile at him, to sit near him, to brush against him, to open up to him - to not be afraid of wanting him.

Lately, she hadn't been afraid of kissing him, either, which had elevated the wanting to a new level.

Which had started Jyn thinking that maybe there was another milestone of vulnerability and trust that she wanted to reach with Cassian, one that very much involved a bed but not sleep. The warmth in her chest shot down into her belly at the thought even as a nervous tremor ran through her. This wasn't something she had had a lot of experience with or enjoyment out of in the past. But she also hadn't trusted anyone like this before, hadn't wanted to trust anyone like this before.

Cassian had asked her to go to the quartermaster when they landed while he sorted his debrief, and well, if requesting a room with one bed for both of them wasn't a clear enough signal for him then she would just have to find another way to show him what she wanted.

When Cassian let himself into the room a while later, Jyn sat up in the bed and folded her arms across her stomach. Lying and waiting had given her time to doubt herself, just a little, just enough for her to want to curl in on herself with insecurity. But his gaze turned warm and his lips quirked into a half a smile at the sight of her in the low lamp light of the room.

It was the look he had been giving her right before he kissed her, in the last few weeks, providing they weren't interrupted (they often were). It was a look that said you're something I want and she wondered if he saw it reflected back at him every time her cheeks grew hot under his gaze.

He leaned back against the closed door, casually, as if he found half-naked rebels in his bed every day, and his voice was light as he asked, "Did you give me the wrong room number?"

Never one to let a little fear get in the way of conquering a challenge, Jyn uncrossed her arms, leaned back on her hands (all too aware of the lack of a breast band under her tank top after her shower, but no going back now) and looked him dead in the eye with a smile. "No."

Cassian smiled at that, dipped his head and looked up at her through his eyelashes. Jyn's stomach fluttered and she flexed and curled her toes under the sheets as he tossed his duffel to the side and approached the bed. He sat close beside her, hip to hip, close enough that she could feel the heat from him. "Give me a few minutes?" He asked quietly as he cupped her face and kissed her forehead. Jyn nodded, and watched him as he headed towards the 'fresher and picked up his duffel on the way. After a few minutes she heard the familiar hum of the sonic shower, and shifted herself on her side to the far edge of the bed.

Tanith, Liana, Kestrel - none of them were practiced in seduction or intimacy, because they were all still Jyn, hidden beneath varying levels of anger and fear. None of them wanted to be touched, to be close to anyone, because she didn't want to. None of them were able to handle the feeling of emptiness after a random hook-up, and all of them eventually gave up on trying to use sex as a weapon.

Now they were gone, and there was just Jyn. Her guard had been stripped away by a rebel spy and new friends and a droid and the welcoming arms of the Alliance. It wasn't that she had become someone new, or different - just that the real Jyn was finally starting to step out from behind the walls she had raised.

Cassian emerged from the fresher, in nothing but loose sleep pants tied at the waist. Oh.

Illuminated by the lamp light, he was beautiful. Lean and scarred, shoulders broad and the v of his hips ridiculously tempting. He ran his hand through his hair as he stood at the edge of the bed, and she realised he was nervous - more than that, he was letting her see that he was nervous. He could have hidden it from her, talented liar that he was. Jyn pulled back the covers, as much of a reassurance as she could muster. Cassian slid in beside her on his back, and Jyn immediately curled to his side to close the distance that was shining a spotlight on both their fears.

"How long do we have, here?" She asked, propped up on her elbow to look down at him.

"Tonight, at least. Orders should come through by morning. After that..."

"After that, back to running for our lives, a crowded ship... and a nosy droid." They both chuckled at that.

"Do you want to sleep?" He asked, voice low, as he curled his fingers around the back of her neck, thumb stroking under her ear.

"No." She leaned into his touch and placed her palm over his heart.

"Me either." Cassian smiled, and pulled her gently to him.

It was the first kiss they had had that didn't feel like a stolen moment behind the backs of others or that was fuelled by adrenaline and the rush of survival. It was instead just the two of them, with time and peace to enjoy each other. Nerves had made her tense and rigid, but soon Jyn found herself melting against the heat of him. Her hand explored his chest as his soothed down her back before resting at her waist, thumbs caressing her belly where her vest had ridden up. The warmth seeped right down to her bones and she slung a leg between his thighs, emboldened. He felt like heaven beneath her, all heat and solid muscle and rough hands. He shifted more to his side and their legs wrapped together, hips already rocking towards each other. Cassian's hand slid under her top, drawing patterns up her spine.

He sat up with her to pull her vest up and off, mouths not parting for any longer than necessary. Jyn revelled in having her bare flesh pressed against him, but it wasn't enough and she climbed into his lap, seeking friction, finding it as her hips ground down onto his. She found it hard to think straight, her entire world narrowed down to the building ache between her legs and his hands hot on her skin. He groaned and his lips found her neck, his stubble scratching and making her shiver. His hand ghosted over her breasts, taunting her before finding a firmer caress that made her head fall back. He mouthed at her collarbone and his breath came hard against her skin as she ground against him.

Cassian's hands slipped to her thighs, thumbs stroking small circles up and up, getting closer and closer to where she wanted him, before sliding up to her belly and ghosting around the edge of her underwear. He raised his head and looked into her eyes, and Jyn's heart stopped. His dark, beautiful eyes were heavy with lust, but she could see the question there: is this ok? He would stop. She's wet against him and he's hard against her, both breathless and ruined but he would stop right now if she asked him to, if he thought she didn't want this. Something more than lust, something that had been brewing for just as long, burst in her chest and made her eyes hot. She could only nod as she roughly pulled him in for a kiss, an affirmation.

He caressed her through the damp fabric before pushing it aside, and then his hand was exactly where she needed it. She raised herself up to give him better access and her hips rocked of their own accord. Soon he had two fingers inside of her, curling to find the right spot in time with the caress of his thumb. Jyn tried to kiss him but couldn't breathe. She grasped him close and raked her nails into his back as his other hand tangled in her hair, holding her close and steady as she writhed and fucked his hand. She didn't feel in control of her voice, which sighed his name and begged for more, harder, almost, until words wouldn't come anymore because her whole nervous system was preoccupied with feeling. Her entire body tensed and stilled and then melted, her breath came back to her in shuddering gasps and he kissed wherever his lips could reach as he held her upright in his lap.

And oh, this is really what it meant to trust, she thought - to fall apart in his hands, defenceless and boneless and dazed.

This is a line that had been crossed. She found she didn't mind it so much, after so many years of fighting it, and was glad she had waited for him to be the one to cross it with her.

"Alright?" He asked in a whisper as she came back to herself and pulled back to look at him. She smiled, because he was smiling - not entirely out of smugness either, she thought, but because he seemed happy in that moment. Sex and smiling had never gone together for her before, most men hadn't given her much to smile about.

Jyn answered him with a kiss, and wished she had words for this. But she had always been better with actions. She scratched his scalp with her fingernails, ran them down his neck, his chest. His stomach muscles twitched and jumped as she teased over his abdomen and she laughed against his mouth. He groaned a curse when her hand slipped into his pants and his forehead dropped to her shoulder as she explored. She liked what she found, liked the weight and heat and thickness of him, liked the way his fingers dug into her hips as she stroked him. Her arousal started to climb again at the thought of what he would feel like inside her.

She rolled off him to her back and peeled her underwear down and off, eyes on his as he watched her. Cassian got the message, and stepped off the bed to strip off his pants. Jyn opened her legs for him as he climbed on top, his weight braced on one elbow as he used his other hand to brush her hair from her face. She smiled again, couldn't seem to stop smiling, especially when she considered that the last time a man had put himself above her in bed she had panicked, feeling trapped, and had broken his nose when he refused to switch. Cassian's weight was welcome on top of her, grounding and safe. She reached down between them and took him in her hand again, and guided him in. Jyn bit her lip against the stretch as he moved slowly. He peppered kisses across her jaw, her neck, as she held him there. His heart pounded against her and she counted the beats until the pain turned into pleasure, until she couldn't stop herself from moving against him. He stayed slow, kissing her deeply as she wrapped her legs around him, and she shifted the angle of her hips until every thrust hit the perfect spot.

Her hands roamed over his back, and it felt good to finally be able to touch him how she pleased, to grab his hips and pull him harder into her. Cassian growled when she moaned and begged him to pick up the pace. She cried out when he complied; when he hiked one of her legs higher around him she forgot her own name. It was too much, it hadn't been like this before because she had never been able to let go and just feel. The sight of him above her, his body hot against her, the slam of his hips against her own - it was all too much. His face was open, showing every emotion, and that tipped her over the edge. Jyn shuddered from the inside out, a different kind of peak from before, a wave that crashed and receded and crashed again. His harsh voice was in her ear - fuck, Jyn - and his hips ground hard against hers, pushing himself as deep as possible, as he collapsed against her.

Cassian kissed her as he lifted his weight from her, and rolled to the side. She turned to look at him, and it was the easiest thing in the world to shift closer to him and lay her head on his arm.

"Normally I'd be dressed and out the door by now." She said into the silence, lulled into safety by the thud of his heart beneath her palm. "What have you done to me?"

"Me?" He chuckled. "This is all new territory for me too, you know. I was perfectly lonely and miserable before you came along."

They're the same, she remembered, different paths but the same scars. This had been as much a leap of faith for him as for her.

She nudged her thigh between his, sated but unable to resist having as much of him against her as possible now that she knew how it felt.

"We can keep doing this, can't we? Not just the sex, I mean, but... us. I don't even know how to be an 'us'." She hated how weak her voice sounded as she struggled to translate her fears.

Cassian kissed her forehead. "Like I said, new territory for me too. But we've worked so far, haven't we? We'll figure it out."

Jyn felt soothed, and sleepy. "I'm definitely requesting a shared room next time we're on base."

He chuckled and pulled her closer. "One bed is all we need, from now on."


End file.
